I know I know… Girls don’t fart. Welp. I’m here to tell you that pregnant women do… and it can either move mountains or kill villages. I’m not a Dr. so I can’t give you a medical paragraph about why pregnant women fart more then normal, but it happens.
For some reason when I was pregnant with Mr. Cheeks I would have the loudest and worst gas. I have one story that comes to mind…. ‘que 80s sitcom dream waves into memory.’
My first story starts when I was late in my second trimester. Brandon (the old ball and chain) and I were on our way to register for our baby shower.
Brandon has this thing he does where he will fart in the car and not roll down the window and wait until I smell it. It’s a sick joke. That night he thought it would be funny to start the war. Little did he know.. I could feel some gas coming on and I was starting to get some serious pains. These needed released….
We got our handy registration gun and were on our way. I start to let off a few small ones, trying not to be crazy.. I am a lady still. What I wasn’t expecting was for them to smell like death. Straight up a corpse smelled better then these things. So what does any good wife do? I fart close to Brandon and walk away.. waiting for him to smell this thing. Fart wars are on. My plan was backfiring… He wasn’t stepping into my clouds. So I go about my way, giggling with every step.
Here is where my story turns for the worst.
The gas pain has now gotten worse. I know its time. Its time to let this thing go….and I do. People…… it was bad. Really bad. Brandon comes around the corner on my right………. And then there he was…a stranger………he comes around the corner on my left……FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! It was all in slow motion. Fear ran through my body. I run over to Brandon in hysterics, I couldn’t stop laughing. He turns his head slowly (he just caught the cloud) and whispers with concern, “babe….was that you??” I’m dying. Im crying I’m laughing so hard…. now.. now I’m peeing (laughing so hard I peed was a common thing when I was pregnant). I had to leave the walkway because if by chance this male stranger caught wind of my cloud…. I would have really lost it. I probably would have gone into labor.
Laughing so hard I could barely walk, I finally make it to the rocking chair area where I could calm down. Brandon came over and we had a good 10 min after laugh.
The point to all of this is… weird stuff happens when your a. in a long term relationship b. pregnant and c. in a long term relationship while pregnant. Laugh about these moments. Don’t get embarrassed… it happens.