An alternative mom telling it like it is

Category Archives: Moms

 

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In making more of an effort to keep updated on this blog, I have spent the last couple of days going through different topics that I should write about.

I instantly remembered reading conversations on the parent groups about this mysterious word that KS kiddos (and let’s be real, all kiddos) seem to melt down about. That pesky two letter word NO. And wouldn’t you believe, we have the same problem in our house!

We noticed it started to get worse at around his 3rd birthday. Which is also fitting because we didn’t have the traditional terrible 2s that most warn you about. Nope, we had the I may murder my child 3’s :D. However, the one parenting thing I can confidently say that my husband and I have on lock is maneuvering the word NO and also calming the tantrums to under 5 minutes without yelling or losing our cool.

So what do we do? Options.

This parenting tool originally was something I had “come up with” off the top of my head, but after a recent discovery – there are a lot of parenting books that use this method as well! WINNING!

So how do we use options instead of no? Well, if Cheekies is wanting something or is throwing a fit about something, we will give him two options to choose from that are parent approved in the direction we want him to go.

EXAMPLE: Halloween just happened and obviously Cheekies wants candy for breakfast dinner and lunch.. the candy is also a common tantrum we have faced the last month. 9 times out of 10 he wants candy BEFORE dinner.
Instead of telling him “NO. You don’t need candy.” I will first start by telling him that he needs to eat his dinner first and then he can have a piece of candy. I have already predicted that he will throw a fit, but trying to tell him he needs to eat before treats is something I find important because he will sometimes listen. (hooray on those days) But alas we normally get a small tantrum.
My next step is to crouch down on his level and give him his options: “Here’s the deal, we can either eat our dinner and get a piece of candy, or we can not eat our dinner and get zero pieces of candy. What would you like to do?” This gives him the control toddlers are subconsciously battling with as they mature, but it also allows them to do what you need them to do without telling them NO.

We have done this at home, in stores, at disneyland, and school, anywhere we need to. It works for us immensely and will probably be something we practice for a while. We have been able to get his tantrums calmed within 2 minutes of it starting which I find to be a success. And if the tantrum does turn into a mini meltdown, we go into our meltdown parenting style which I will go into on a different post, but its mainly giving them chill time and redirecting.

Anyways, I hope this helps for some of you. I believe this tool is probably best used the younger they are – not sure how it will work with older kiddos. And AGAIN, this is what we do and what works for us.

Share in the comments below what your experience with the word NO and how you overcome these battles 😀

 

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Over the weekend, Cheekies and I went on an adventure to Washington to see family. I was extremely nervous about this trip because it was his first time flying and I was doing it alone (my husband isn’t fond of flying). I am obviously no rookie to flying, just coming off a year long international tour and have learned the do’s and don’ts of flying; this was a new challenge I was willing to accept. Overall the trip was good, but it wasn’t great. Here are some tips, pointers, “wish I would haves,” and my experience flying to Washington with my two year old.

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What’s in my backpack:

Check as much crap as possible. You don’t need a ton of stuff when you’re flying. Especially if it’s a shorter flight. Bring the necessities only.
Here is what we brought on the flight:

  1. Backpack – duh.
  2. Diapers and a large grip of wipes. Bring a lot of wipes because if you’re like me, you use them for everything, and trust me you DON’T want to run out.
  3. A sippy cup AND a bottle (if you’re still in transition away from the bottle like we are.. just bring the bottle. To me, if the difference between a shitty screaming flight and a peaceful nice flight is giving a bottle… do it.).
  4. Wallet – duh.
  5. Deodorant – travel stank/sweat sucks.
  6. Coloring book and crayons (we never used this once)
  7. Small foldable lunchbox (super flimsy from walmart) filled with snacks – keep the variety large
  8. Small backpack for the kiddo (we used the leash backpack without the lease) to hold Cheekies toy cars and small stuffed animal. This gives them something to be responsible for and he totally dug it. Plus he looked so cute with his backpack.
  9. Umbrella Stroller – Don’t take the big bulky strollers if you don’t need to folks. It’s just too much. I saw numerous moms with these and they just looked like they were in complete hell. It’s too much work, and honestly, Cheekies was not wanting to be in it anyway.
  10. At least one pair of NON BULKY extra clothes. There isn’t a lot of room in your backpack to have a bunch of wasted bulk. So keep the clothes light and easily changeable.
  11. Tablet – Movies will be your BEST BEST BEST friend. Lord have mercy this saved my ass so much. Just do it. If you don’t listen to anything in this blog… listen to this.
  12. Grocery bags – 2 words.. throw. up. Yup – Cheekies got air sick every flight. I only brought one bag with me and I wish I would have brought more. Sometimes you don’t catch the throw up and you’re able to use the throw up bags the plane offers – so having the grocery bags to be able to clean up with your handy giant thing of wipes I mentioned earlier, makes it a lot easier. Also – I was able to put the clothes he threw up in in the bag so it didn’t stink up my backpack. –Just bring bags. You’ll use them.

The list above seems like its a lot, but honestly it isn’t too bad and fit into one backpack. The only things we had to buy, were water, juice and milk when we got past security… which leads me to my next section — getting past security the fastest way possible.

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Security

Security has always been my biggest pet peeve as a seasoned traveler. I HATED to be behind the family that wasn’t prepared and took forever holding up the line. Ya I’m that asshole.. that flying snob. I can admit it! So I had a game plan already in place a week before we went and it worked well. Many of these things will be no brainers to most.. but even if you don’t have kids… just follow these simple rules.

  1. Wear the appropriate clothing. Listen folks. 90% of the time, you have to take off your shoes. SO WEAR EASY REMOVABLE SHOES. This is the biggest one that people for some reason cannot comprehend. When you are traveling with a toddler, you HAVE to be fast. I wore my Toms one way, and a pair of back zipped slip ons on the way back. Both worked wonders.
    I wore a zip up sweater both ways, and basically just removed it before I was to the ticket check in before going through security. I had everything ready to just drop in the buckets.
  2. If you don’t need your laptop – don’t bring it. If you do need it, make sure it isn’t buried in the backpack and easily accessible and easily put back in.
  3. Umbrella stroller – Again, it’s just super easy. I got the bad boy folded in two seconds, threw it on and went on my way. Not the same type of ease with the bigger strollers.
  4. Again, don’t bring unnecessary items with you on the plane. The more shit you have, the more time its going to take to get through security and make sure you have all your items.
  5. When your items come through the scanner, take your stroller down and unfold, then take everything else and MOVE AWAY FROM THE LINE. just do it. It’s more comfortable for you, and its less irritating for everyone else. I had Cheekies help me push the stroller while I held the buckets and backpack. Easy.

 

In the airport:

Now the real fun starts; keeping your kid busy for 2 hours before your flight in an airport full of strangers. This was a serious learning experience for me and I’m not even sure I have much advise to give other than… keep your child in line – but don’t give too much of a fuck. lol I mean honestly.
We didn’t have to wait in Reno because we were late to the flight, but in Seattle… oh man, Cheekies was a freak of nature. I had never seen him that energetic ….ever. He was rolling around on the floor, scarring strangers (he roars at them), running around chairs, racing himself to other ends of the airport. I mean… he was THAT kid! but the way I look at it, honestly, is if I were to have really disciplined him for acting that way, he wouldn’t have expelled any energy before the flight and he also wouldn’t understand what he was doing “wrong.” Honestly he wasn’t doing anything wrong at all lol He was being great! He was happy.. just.. energetic and nuts lol I mean he can’t help that I am putting him (a 2 year old) in this type of environment/situation. You can’t get too mad.
So I let the energy ball roll around and scare people. He was happy and wasn’t screaming and I was watching him the entire time. There were times where I had to force him into the stroller and walk around to give him a chance to settle down a bit, but for the most part I looked at the small percentage of people glaring at me and just shrugged my shoulders at them. Everyone else seemed to not mind how happy he was.

The Flight

The flights going to Seattle were perfect. I mean Cheeks was an absolute gem aside from puking. We watched movies and played with his cars, we took walk when we landed in Vegas, we took a nap. It was really great actually.
Coming home from Seattle was more of a challenge. As I mentioned above, the kid was on crack. And we were definitely not able to expel the energy needed to have the same luxurious flight as we did prior. Seattle to Vegas was the worst. He didn’t want to sit, watch a movie, or play with his cars. He didn’t want to do anything. So I let him cry at times, comforted him, reintroduced his toys, took them away, let him cry… The key here folks… PATIENCE. Patience really is key. Eventually he wanted to watch his movie and he was chill. Then he would realize he had energy still and be a jerk. It was an ongoing cycle, but again, he is 2.
In Vegas I let him run around a bit. The crowd was more forgiving this time. I mean cheeks really is freaking adorable. It’s hard not to be happy when he is roaring at you or laughing.

Flying Tip: Fly at an appropriate time to your toddlers happy/calm schedule. What was the difference between flying to Seattle and flying home? 5am and 5pm. I found that Cheeks is much more calm on a morning flight rather than the evening. I have taken a BIG mental note on this for the future.

One thing I wish I would have done: Was brought airsick pills. I wanted to be able to do a little research on them before just giving them to Cheekies. Next time I will definitely be giving hims some.

To conclude, my best advise to you mom’s and dad’s about to embark on the first travels of a toddler is to know your child. Accommodate to what you already know and have an understanding that your toddler doesn’t know any better. Remember it’s a rather short amount of time (domestic anyways) and that it will all be over soon – and you will never see any of these people again. Just roll with the punches!

Good luck!


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An appointment we were genuinely excited for, turned to complete shit within the first 15 minutes of our meeting. !warning – unorganized rant ahead!

*I’m not going to publicly say where we were at or the Dr.’s name (however if you email me I would be more than happy to)*

A couple of weeks ago, we took Cheeks to his first geneticist appointment here locally in Reno. We didn’t know that there was one in town so we were extremely excited when we learned we could take Cheeks to a local Dr. rather than travel out of state.

After about a months wait, our appointment finally came. I had a wide range of questions that I wanted to discuss as well as was excited to hopefully learn some new things about KS I may not have known already.
When the Dr. came into the room, her demeanor was very… bitchy is probably the real term, but to be nice we will say harsh.
She rushed through the opening of her discussion and took out a stapled pamphlet and began “teaching” us about KS…(it would be nice if I could meet a Dr. who doesn’t have to read something off to me that I have already read)…. anyways – as she was rush reading through the paper, she stopped at a point where it talked about Tip of the Tongue phenomenon (you know that moment when you are trying to think of a word and its right at the tip of your tongue and you can’t figure it out?). She said that boys with KS struggle with this on a different level and that Cheeks will more than likely have this happen.
I thought to myself as she was talking, Cool… we will work on it – *cut off by Dr * “So your son is either going to internalize this and not make any friends, or he will become aggressive and you will have a lot of issues.”……… ok… waiting for the third option…… nothing…. blank stares… Me: “Well he has been doing pretty good right now and we are really working on trying to alleviate some of these issues -” Her: “Well he is only two.. once he hits about 5 everything goes down hill.”………………………What? I mean shit lady, lets throw another fucking black cloud on an already stressful situation.. You could have said something positive here. Fuck.
So she goes on talking more about unless information and categorizing my son into different groups… and at this point my anger thermometer is just sllllooooowwwwlllyyy growing… and then the mother load of stupid fucking comments came.

“OH.. and your son will more than likely not go to college.. KS men don’t go to college..” UM…. EXCUSE  ME? “…..But its ok though..” (she can OBVIOUSLY see my face of pure explosion at this point).. “Blue collar work is fine too..”……Ok bitch… ok.. and I’m done. Not only was I extremely offended, but I just couldn’t fathom that something so ignorant, stupid, and insensitive was coming out of her mouth. And if you’re reading that and you think, awe thats not too bad… add a condescending and degrading tone on it and then re read. I. Was. PISSED.

So now that this main story (and trust me this isn’t even the whole appointment.. many more things happened), let’s discuss how I am feeling about all of this.

First of all.. I cannot wrap my head around how this woman was hired at a special needs facility. She was harsh, aggressive, insensitive, and honestly I didn’t think she knew as much about KS as she lead on. I don’t say that because the bullshit that ensued at our meeting, but supposedly she had a large amount of clients with KS and also extensive amounts of knowledge.. yet still read everything from a pamphlet..and any time I had a question, she read her answer from the papers.. I call bullshit on that. Personal opinion and not fact.. but my gut tells me bullshit.

Second, give us a little bit of fucking hope man. I left the meeting in tears because I felt that the whole thing was just her saying that your son is not going to succeed and this and that. You don’t even know my son.. you don’t know us.. I felt no hope… no positive.. and scared.

Listen, I am ok with hearing information that maybe I didn’t want to hear.. I’m ok with that. But KS is NOT a disease. There is a wide range of symptoms he COULD have.. not WILL have.. so there is a very large possibility that the things she listed will not happen. THAT and we found out when Cheeks was so young.. there is a lot of early prevention that we are blessed that we can start now.

Third, I absolutely FUCKING HATE when I feel like another fucking number at the DMV. All I want is a Dr. to sit down and TALK to me. Not spout off some random information that is easily accessible online and then make me feel stupid when I have legitimate questions about development and future planning. We need for Dr.s to help support us… not make us feel incompetent.

Needless to say – if you haven’t gotten the vibe already – we will not be seeing said Dr. again, and have plans to in fact travel outside of the state to hopefully get a better plan on the future to come.

Cheeks has been developing SOO wonderfully and we want to keep this momentum going!

 

 


  

  
The last few months have been a brutal Cheeks vs Bath battle…. The battle that cheeks had been winning… Until tonight. 

Let’s go back to the day Cheeks met shower…

It was an ordinary afternoon.. And I was giving cheeks his bath. He was having a grand ol time! Playing, splashing, and putting his hands in the stream of the running faucet. To make the long story short, he found the shower release and well…. Showered himself silly… Scaring the ever loving Jesus out of him. Since then…. He would refuse a bath for the next 4 months, Leaving B and I to give him as many cloth baths as possible… Until with agonizing pain, we force him to take a bath. The screams that would come from him tore my heart out of my body and left me in tears.

We tried different things to ease the pain. Switch to the sink, add more duckies, add bubbles (which did NOT help at all!), I got in with him… It was a nightmare… Nothing was working.

Today was a ginormous leap as Brandon and I knew we could not wait any longer to give him a bath. So we took some time to brainstorm a bit and trucked over to babies r us to find something to help. 

We decided on two bath toys, which Cheeks instantly became attached to. A swimming turtle, and a starfish water fountain. He held them through our adventure into Michael’s, and he  knew that he had two toys when he got home.

When it came time for the bath, he patiently waited as we opened them up, explaining to him these were his bath toys, and that he would use them only in the bath. I had my swim suit on and the bath drawn and full of toys when we got up there. He knew what was happening and instantly started to become anxious and hesitant. I got into the bath and started playing with the water fountain starfish with hopes he would find interest. Nope… However he really wanted to play with the turtle… So Brandon hoisted him in with me where he started to cry as expected… But a different cry this time… Not as frightened. Brandon and I started to make our tones upbeat and excited while playing with his new toys.. Making him feel that it was extremely exciting… We slowly started to see him calm down… And after about 10 minutes of solid fake fun… He was settled and playing with his toys.. He sat on my lap, making sure I was in touching distance, and FINALLY allowed me to wash his body and hair in peace.

After he was all clean, we let him play, still sitting in my lap and in the water, until he decided he wanted to come out.. Praising him on how brave he was being. Heck we even refilled the hot water! He spent about 20 min playing :)) 

So after all this time… We had our first peaceful bath in about 4 months. Small steps and patience for this little guy.. But for now, I am a very happy mamma! 

Xox


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As a first time parent, I have moments where I have severe anxiety.. that twitch in your eye..that “Oh god no!”.. I have taken the time to list out my top 10 parent anxieties for your enjoyment ((in no particular order)).

1. Spaghetti Night: I think that any parent with a toddler will know exactly what I am talking about. We are a family of spaghetti lovers and have pasta at least once a week. We usually take the time for “prep time” before giving Cheeks his dinner. this includes a fully naked body, a bib, and our dog to clean up the thrown messes. 😀

2. Realizing you have forgotten the diaper bag: I have done this more times than I can count and literally get the biggest anxiety attack because of it. While driving all I can think is that he is going to have a giant blow out and my car is going to be covered in poop because I FORGOT THE DIAPER BAG. haha of course that’s a bit dramatic, but you moms know the type of shit that goes on in our brains sometimes ha

3. The calm before the “no nap” storm: Cheeks has really only never taken a nap once… and for those couple hours.. I just thought he was going to turn into this baby hulk. I felt like I was walking on eggshells the whole time… just waiting…..

4. Zero sound & zero smell poops: Maybe it’s just me.. but these freak me out… because you really just don’t know what you’re going to be dealing with..

5. Silence: No words needed. We all know silence is bad.

6. The sound of drawers opening: Cheeks it as a stage right now where he is finally tall enough to open all the drawers. We have all lower cabinets locked up, but now its time to venture upwards.. when your son runs into the living room with a giant knife in his hands for the first time… your heart flutters a bit. CURSE those curious assholes! *shaking my fist at them*.

7. “Hot dog! Hot dog! Hot diggity dog!!”: Remember that eye twitch I was talking about?…. ya… this.

8. When you are driving and look in the rearview mirror and your child looks like they cannot breath and are suffocating, but they are actually just pooping: This has freaked B and I out a couple times. Cheeks legitimately looks like he is dying in his carseat when he poops.

9. Parties: I always get really anxious when I am going to a birthday party or a gathering with a bunch of other parents. I honestly don’t care what other people think of my parenting style, but sometimes I cannot help but judge my own parenting by watching others and their styles. I also don’t know how to handle other children being inconsiderate.. and honestly my biggest anxiety is just trying not to lose my shit on other peoples kids.

10. Walking out of the stroller: I think right now this is my biggest anxiety. We have been slowly allowing Cheeks to walk outside of his stroller while we run errands.. but a couple of times he has thrown fits because he just wants to run free. It’s hard, and I know that the more we do it, the better he will get.. but yikes.. fits. *shivers*

So there you have it folks! My top ten parent anxieties!

Comment below YOUR personal parent anxieties!

xoxo Mammablutte

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As many of you can see, I changed my hair in the last couple of months! It’s been a great change I must say. Hot showers! White shirts! Pillowcases with no stains! 

But now I’m left not knowing what to do with this blog! Bluette is obviously no more! Does it really matter? Should I change the blog?

What are your thoughts followers? 



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