In making more of an effort to keep updated on this blog, I have spent the last couple of days going through different topics that I should write about.
I instantly remembered reading conversations on the parent groups about this mysterious word that KS kiddos (and let’s be real, all kiddos) seem to melt down about. That pesky two letter word NO. And wouldn’t you believe, we have the same problem in our house!
We noticed it started to get worse at around his 3rd birthday. Which is also fitting because we didn’t have the traditional terrible 2s that most warn you about. Nope, we had the I may murder my child 3’s :D. However, the one parenting thing I can confidently say that my husband and I have on lock is maneuvering the word NO and also calming the tantrums to under 5 minutes without yelling or losing our cool.
So what do we do? Options.
This parenting tool originally was something I had “come up with” off the top of my head, but after a recent discovery – there are a lot of parenting books that use this method as well! WINNING!
So how do we use options instead of no? Well, if Cheekies is wanting something or is throwing a fit about something, we will give him two options to choose from that are parent approved in the direction we want him to go.
EXAMPLE: Halloween just happened and obviously Cheekies wants candy for breakfast dinner and lunch.. the candy is also a common tantrum we have faced the last month. 9 times out of 10 he wants candy BEFORE dinner.
Instead of telling him “NO. You don’t need candy.” I will first start by telling him that he needs to eat his dinner first and then he can have a piece of candy. I have already predicted that he will throw a fit, but trying to tell him he needs to eat before treats is something I find important because he will sometimes listen. (hooray on those days) But alas we normally get a small tantrum.
My next step is to crouch down on his level and give him his options: “Here’s the deal, we can either eat our dinner and get a piece of candy, or we can not eat our dinner and get zero pieces of candy. What would you like to do?” This gives him the control toddlers are subconsciously battling with as they mature, but it also allows them to do what you need them to do without telling them NO.
We have done this at home, in stores, at disneyland, and school, anywhere we need to. It works for us immensely and will probably be something we practice for a while. We have been able to get his tantrums calmed within 2 minutes of it starting which I find to be a success. And if the tantrum does turn into a mini meltdown, we go into our meltdown parenting style which I will go into on a different post, but its mainly giving them chill time and redirecting.
Anyways, I hope this helps for some of you. I believe this tool is probably best used the younger they are – not sure how it will work with older kiddos. And AGAIN, this is what we do and what works for us.
Share in the comments below what your experience with the word NO and how you overcome these battles 😀
I am really excited to write this post, because we have hit an incredible amount of milestones the last 6 months or so!
A couple months ago, we had sought out an Early Intervention Service to get an evaluation done on Cheekies. For those of you out of the US or those who may not know what EIS is, the early intervention services help diagnose learning/development delays, autism, etc and provide therapy. Everything had been looking good for cheeks before the initial evaluation, but the services were free to us so we figured why not?
Our evaluation came back great, and there is no sign of autism or severe delay. We accepted the offer of speech therapy as well as occupational therapy because there were a couple delays in his speech (nothing crazy at all) and we are seeing slight issue with sensory in eating, sleeping, and excitement. Because of his diagnosis with KS, these services are covered by the state of Nevada and decided to take advantage of the opportunity.
(look how happy he looks here lol)
When we initially went in for the evaluation – we sensed that cheeks was a bit delayed with his words. He was saying a pretty good amount, but only on his time. He also wasn’t really putting two word sentences together. By the time we had our first speech therapy appointment, he has already progressed so much. Our therapist sees that once he goes over two words, he starts to mumble everything together. To me, I think his brain is still learning to think as fast as he talks. We have been working with him to express his words a lot more, and his therapist has been impressed with the amount of attention we have been giving him and his speech. In the past couple of months, he has progressed immensely and is starting to really say sentences and appropriately combining the words and the feeling. It has been amazing to see the progression.
Before we started with his therapist, we had taught Cheeks a couple sign language words to help him express his wants. After further discussion with the therapist, and especially after hearing and researching more information about the tip of the tongue phenomenon we have decided to really encourage more signs and Cheeks is really starting to progress in that as well! Super exciting and extremely proud of him 😀
(Helping mom cook pancakes)
With any two year old, eating is a struggle, a chore, and a frustration. I believe that a lot of what Cheeks is going through here is normal for his age. The problems we WERE facing – were that he didn’t want to eat anything really. We struggled to get him to eat anything but cereal bars. After really eliminating the bottle (yes that took longer than I wanted and he is still not completely weaned), we saw a big difference in his food intake, however we are still struggling to get him to eat more of a variety. We saw a nutritionist and she didn’t think that we had anything to worry about, so thats good!
I began to notice that we eats the most at lunch time at school, so I have been loading him up with everything in his lunch. As much food as I can get him to eat. Adding extra peanut butter to his sandwiches to get some more fat and protein in him, and really just making sure there is a good selection of nutrients of him.
We tried to get him to drink some meal replacement type protein packet things, but he wants digging the vanilla flavor. My worry right now is that he may not be getting enough protein. BUT, baby steps is all we can do. Our OT suggested that we don’t put a lot on his plate, and for dinner instead of putting everything on at once, bringing out each at a time. So we are trying a bunch of different stuff. One day he will just eat all 3 meals without a problem 😀
I think this is one of our bigger issues right now is Cheekies sleeping at night. We go through bouts of him waking up in the middle of the night screaming and then wanting to go downstairs to sleep on the couch.. and of course – mom has to sleep there too ha.
At first – and I’m still not taking it out of question, I thought that he was having night terrors. Our OT suggested limiting the nighttime TV and substituting with something else to see if that works. So we have a couple options there. I am also kind of noticing a pattern with his eating and his sleep. The last couple of nights he has woken up at about midnight/1am and I have noticed it was on a day where he didn’t eat much dinner. So I’m going to track that down and see what we can do. He may be waking up hungry? I don’t know. Lots of tracking when it comes to his sleeping issues.
Huge progress at daycare and at home with his pretend play. I have been waiting for this moment for a long time for personal satisfaction and I love that it has finally arrived! Cheeks LOVES to play with dinosaurs, cars, monsters (his personal fav), and really tries to bring you into his little play world. I love it!
Overall guys and gals, we couldn’t be happier with the way everything has been going with his development. I truly believe that love and support of the parents is what truly helps development happen and progress in kids. Get ahead of anything that may pop up, and continue to grow with your child 😀
And even after some of the negative that we have experienced with all of this the last year, I couldn’t be prouder of my son for all his milestones, and couldn’t be more prouder of B and I as parents.
One year. I survived a whole year of being a new mom. Below are some of the more important things you might learn your first year of being a new parent..
1. Mom brain is no joke: I swear there are times where I just lay my head down in shame at some of the things I do, say, or not do. I have driven all the way to work with Cheeks still in the car, bypassing daycare all together. I have left my wallet and my keys in the diaper bag and left them at daycare. I have forgotten my bra. I have made up my own words. And I have most definitely forgotten to put my eyebrows on in the morning. From what I have heard, this only gets worse.. joy. And don’t think you are in the clear dads!.. Dad brain is just as strong! Sometimes I think Brandon is worse than I am!
2. Sometimes showering doesn’t happen: I don’t even think it’s solely because you don’t have time. For me, there were nights and days where showering just seemed to hard and laying in bed for an extra 10 min was the better option.
3. Baby poop is weird: I mean… I have seen poop crumble, stick, smell like death, and create the devil of all diaper rashes all in one day. There are times where I am impressed with what Cheeks was able accomplish in 2 minutes. I have also learned that watching a baby poop is one of the more funny things your baby will do.
4. There is nothing worse than the car seat: I don’t know if it is just me, but every time we get out of a store and head to the car.. the moment I see that damn car seat dramatic music plays and taunts me in my head (you know the music I’m talking about.. the one that plays in Step Brothers when he sees his drums have been touched). Seriously though… I literally cannot wait for the day that Cheeks can put his own damn self in his car seat. Brandon and I just look at each other in a dead stare and eye fight over who gets to put him in the car. I have never seen two adults fight to shotgun putting the groceries in the trunk. “Oh! I got groceries! You get Cheeks!” boom. win.
5. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be on time: I think this goes hand in hand with mom brain. I feel like I never have everything completely in order.. most of the time I don’t. I will get Cheeks into the car and realize I had forgotten to pack his lunch, or forgotten the diaper bag, or my phone, or he will just decide to shit before takeoff. It’s a never ending battle and I have come to the realization that I.. will probably never be on time again.
6. Nothing is cooler than seeing your child develop: Watching Cheeks become his own individual has seriously been one of the coolest things I think I will ever go through. They learn their surroundings and what it is to live as a human and that’s just too cool. Cheeks laughed at himself the other day.. he truly cracked himself up! Watching him discover humor.. I loved it.
7. You’ll always think, “I created you..” and then cry: This might just be me… but man. I have had these moments with him where I just look into his eyes as he is smiling at me.. and melt. I’ll think of the whole pregnancy and development process and end up crying my eyes out because of how cool this whole process is. Woman have one of the most amazing gifts we could have been given, and that is creating life. I created that little man in my belly who just laughed at himself for making weird noises… it’s an emotional thing.
8. You’ll make a ton of rookie moves: It’s going to happen folks. Don’t beat yourself up about it.. move forward and wait for the next rookie move.
9. Family will become more important: For me, I have always been a family oriented person, but at the same time I have been a very independent person. After having Cheeks, I have found myself wanting to surround myself with family more. Creating a family unit has also become extremely important to Brandon and me. We want to create traditions, do more family activities, etc.
10. You will become a better you: This was a huge one for me this last year. I have changed a lot subconsciously and for the better. I matured when I needed to most, created stronger and more heartfelt relationships, and most importantly I have been able to love myself more than I ever have.
When they say time goes much faster after you become a parent, they are not lying. Take it all in.. breathe… and to enjoy every moment, good or bad.
Sometimes I honestly feel like I have absolutely no idea what the hell I am doing when it comes to this whole parenting thing. I find myself reading too much about what and what not to do. Like right now for instant. I have no fucking clue what to be feeding my son. I just kind of go with the flow and give him what I think he may want and kind of… go from there I guess?
I gave Cheeks PB&J today. Is he a little young? I have no fucking Idea. So fuck it. Why not? And he totally dug it! He mowed through those PB&J squares like it was going out of style.
OMG I have to sidebar really fast. I gave Cheeks real juice for the first time today without diluting it with water. Dear Lord it could have been the funniest thing I ever saw. He was acting as though he was drunk mixed with high on coke. His mind was blown.
Ok — back to clueless parenting – I have pretty much given up on listening and reading. So far, we have done things our way and it has worked for us. I feel like the best way to parent is to do what feels right for you and your family. Yes, you may get some backlash. No, it may not work. Yes, you will try something new. and Yes, your child will survive.
Thanks for reading my rant.
I am a creature of habit.. I have been for the longest time and it takes a minute for me to jump into a new routine… Add baby and I’m lost.
I have no memory… I stop mid sentence… I’m like mom brain to a T.
I’ll make this one short and simple and get to the point here..
I didn’t realize until recently that Cheeks was supposed to be eating solids 3 times a day.. Oh ya… rookie move Kayla… Rookie move. The days and months go by so fast and I just wasn’t thinking and with my busy life I missed the point where I am supposed to google when my son should eat solids and blah blah blah. It wasn’t until a convo with my best friend that I realized. “Oh when I was feeding Jamison breakfast..” ……….. Wait…. What? Breakfast? Fuck… Is Aiden supposed to be eating breakfast? Oh ya. He was. hahaha needless to say he went from one time a day to 3 the following day. He’s much happier now!
We all have our moments 😉
Written with my iPhone… Sometimes my fingers are drunk… Often my phone can’t translate.
I travel for work a couple of times out of the year. So far since Mr. Cheeks has been born, I have traveled about 4 or 5 times, this last time being the hardest.
I would have thought for sure that when he was smaller I would have been more upset while gone. But it seems as though as he grows older with more personality, it really makes traveling much more difficult.
I just recently got back from a short 2 day music conference in LA. I found myself more then ever trying to keep my mind busy so I would stop thinking about going home to be with my family. I missed playing and snuggling with my son…it was kind of sad. Sometimes I worry that I am going to miss something.. what if he magically starts crawling while I am away!? It is times like this where I truly wish I was A. Rich as shit, and B. capable of being a stay at home mom.
Yet another asshole moment by the one and only… I’m rubbing his back for a good 10 min and this is how he repays me… You might as well poured water all over me with how much drool is coming out of him… Sick. But look how cute he is? I can’t get mad at his assholeness… Sigh.