An alternative mom telling it like it is

Tag Archives: postpartum

14102457_10210530047431439_2555709058498214472_n.jpgIt’s been six months since my last blog post and a little longer since my last Klinefelters post.

I want to say sorry for the lack of blog commitment but honestly folks, we have been making memories and I’m really not that sorry! We have had the best year ever and I really wanted to enjoy life and vowed to keep less distractions after coming off of the road (I was on an international tour the entire year of 2015 and really wanted to make up for lost time).

With that said, this evening I was going through my blog emails and realized that people are still emailing me! It’s crazy! My heart gets so full every time I read your emails and tonight I am reminded why I started this blog in the first place. To help myself cope with something that I am now able to somewhat help other moms cope with as well. And I realized that as much as I want to eliminate distractions, the klinefelters community kind of needs me – even though many do not agree with my honest approach, there are still moms out there who are searching for the realness that I give, and I cannot let those moms down.

So here we are.. blog restart part 3 lol

I have SO many great articles planned the next couple of months. Many to do with Klinefelters and others to related to raising toddlers.

I will have my first post back posted next week for you all to read!

If there are any topics you want me to touch on in the future please comment below!!!

 


I am really excited to write this post, because we have hit an incredible amount of milestones the last 6 months or so!

A couple months ago, we had sought out an Early Intervention Service to get an evaluation done on Cheekies. For those of you out of the US or those who may not know what EIS is, the early intervention services help diagnose learning/development delays, autism, etc and provide therapy. Everything had been looking good for cheeks before the initial evaluation, but the services were free to us so we figured why not?
Our evaluation came back great, and there is no sign of autism or severe delay. We accepted the offer of speech therapy as well as occupational therapy because there were a couple delays in his speech (nothing crazy at all) and we are seeing slight issue with sensory in eating, sleeping, and excitement. Because of his diagnosis with KS, these services are covered by the state of Nevada and decided to take advantage of the opportunity.

12644764_10208714530964662_9223003356375886952_n.jpg(look how happy he looks here lol)

Speech: 
When we initially went in for the evaluation – we sensed that cheeks was a bit delayed with his words. He was saying a pretty good amount, but only on his time. He also wasn’t really putting two word sentences together. By the time we had our first speech therapy appointment, he has already progressed so much. Our therapist sees that once he goes over two words, he starts to mumble everything together. To me, I think his brain is still learning to think as fast as he talks. We have been working with him to express his words a lot more, and his therapist has been impressed with the amount of attention we have been giving him and his speech. In the past couple of months, he has progressed immensely and is starting to really say sentences and appropriately combining the words and the feeling. It has been amazing to see the progression.
Before we started with his therapist, we had taught Cheeks a couple sign language words to help him express his wants. After further discussion with the therapist, and especially after hearing and researching more information about the tip of the tongue phenomenon we have decided to really encourage more signs and Cheeks is really starting to progress in that as well! Super exciting and extremely proud of him ūüėÄ

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(Helping mom cook pancakes)

Eating:
With any two year old, eating is a struggle, a chore, and a frustration. I believe that a lot of what Cheeks is going through here is normal for his age. The problems we WERE facing – were that he didn’t want to eat anything really. We struggled to get him to eat anything but cereal bars. After really eliminating the bottle (yes that took longer than I wanted and he is still not completely weaned), we saw a big difference in his food intake, however we are still struggling to get him to eat more of a variety. We saw a nutritionist and she didn’t think that we had anything to worry about, so thats good!
I began to notice that we eats the most at lunch time at school, so I have been loading him up with everything in his lunch. As much food as I can get him to eat. Adding extra peanut butter to his sandwiches to get some more fat and protein in him, and really just making sure there is a good selection of nutrients of him.
We tried to get him to drink some meal replacement type protein packet things, but he wants digging the vanilla flavor. My worry right now is that he may not be getting enough protein. BUT, baby steps is all we can do. Our OT suggested that we don’t put a lot on his plate, and for dinner instead of putting everything on at once, bringing out each at a time. So we are trying a bunch of different stuff. One day he will just eat all 3 meals without a problem ūüėÄ

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Sleeping:
I think this is one of our bigger issues right now is Cheekies sleeping at night. We go through bouts of him waking up in the middle of the night screaming and then wanting to go downstairs to sleep on the couch.. and of course – mom has to sleep there too ha.
At first – and I’m still not taking it out of question, I thought that he was having night terrors. Our OT suggested limiting the nighttime TV and substituting with something else to see if that works. So we have a couple options there. I am also kind of noticing a pattern with his eating and his sleep. The last couple of nights he has woken up at about midnight/1am and I have noticed it was on a day where he didn’t eat much dinner. So I’m going to track that down and see what we can do. He may be waking up hungry? I don’t know. Lots of tracking when it comes to his sleeping issues.

Playing:
Huge progress at daycare and at home with his pretend play. I have been waiting for this moment for a long time for personal satisfaction and I love that it has finally arrived! Cheeks LOVES to play with dinosaurs, cars, monsters (his personal fav), and really tries to bring you into his little play world. I love it!

Overall guys and gals, we couldn’t be happier with the way everything has been going with his development. I truly believe that love and support of the parents is what truly helps development happen and progress in kids. Get ahead of anything that may pop up, and continue to grow with your child ūüėÄ

And even after some of the negative that we have experienced with all of this the last year, I couldn’t be prouder of my son for all his milestones, and couldn’t be more prouder of B and I as parents.

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I couldn’t believe my ears as I heard my girlfriend talk about a server at a restaurant who almost poured hot food over her¬†sons¬†head.¬†As she kept on with her story¬†I could feel her pain, her fear, and her maternal instinct. I prayed this would never happen to me…

Well…¬†unfortunately¬†my time had come.
Brandon, Cheeks, and myself were eating at popular burger restaurant over the weekend. We have eaten at this location many times before and have never had a problem receiving awesome servers and this time was no different, our server was the only good thing about our experience that night.
I was already a little on edge because our hostess had seated us A. at the worst table in the area (I am just one of those people who hate when other people are two feet away when we are eating) and B. at a table where the only spot for Cheeks’ high chair was smack dab in the middle of server traffic (I am very familiar with the restaurant life as I¬†worked at a very popular steak house for 3 years back in the good ol days. This is not only annoying to me, but I know how annoying it is to the¬†servers as well). So I am already in bitch mode.
As I mentioned above, my time had come. Our food was ready, and as usual, it was not our server giving us the food. The food runner and¬†an obvious¬†newbie¬†clumsily walked¬†up right behind Cheeks with her¬†tray¬†and hand only inches from his hair.¬†She started serving us our giant hot burger plates..¬† She sets down my plate while keeping¬†Brandon’s on the tray. She is trying to balance with one hand but all I could see was a shaky wrist and the tray unbalanced and wobbly…. OVER MY ONE YEAR OLD SON’S HEAD.
At this point I am fuming and just looking at her in disbelief.
I gently start to move her tray away from his head and firmly say, “Can you please NOT hover over my sons head with your tray?” We make eye contact, and instead of apologizing for being a fucking idiot (ya I said it), she ignores me and looks at me with¬†her blank eyes¬†like I am this crazy bitch woman. Was I? Fuck ya I was! Did I have every right to be? Yes, yes I did.
Moral of the story: Restaurant servers.. I completely understand how much of a pain in the ass¬†serving can be –¬† I have been there, I have worked doubles, I have had horrible customers……. but please, for the love of God, do NOT hover your trays over babies.

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This is going to be a very personal post, and the reason I haven’t posted this yet is because I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to. BUT. My¬†niche on here¬†is to be honest and real, and what’s more real than sharing some of your most vulnerable times? It’s long I know.

The whole reason why I started this blog in the first place was because I believed I had Postpartum Anxiety. I needed an outlet to gather my thoughts, as I thought I was going legitimately crazy.
Postpartum depression/anxiety is easy to figure out. It generally has a lot to do with being a new mom and the care for your child and the feelings you get towards it (There are many articles on this – so if you want exact info just google it). The baby blues is also another easy one. This really just kind of stems from the lack of sleep you get… and with anyone who hasn’t been able to sleep in a full week… o two, you get cranky, irritable, and extremely emotional.¬†Basically ladies.. your hormones are completely FUCKED – hang in there!¬†Baby blues go away after a couple of weeks… but¬†if you think you have postpartum depression or anxiety – please talk to your Dr. A simple medication will help ease those feelings and I promise you it will get better.

Ok – so what if your thoughts and feelings have absolutely nothing to do with your baby or the role of being a new mom? What do you do?

The first couple of weeks after having Mr. Cheeks¬†I had¬†typical baby blues… I was tired as all hell and just really irritable. Nothing too crazy there.. I was prepared for that. What I wasn’t prepared for was the wave of overbearing emotions that I would feel after giving birth. Some good, and some bad.
First, I was NOT ready to feel the overwhelming love.¬†I had so much love for Mr. Cheeks, it literally scared the hell out of me. People will tell you time and time again when you are pregnant how that love is just indescribable and amazing. I was¬†looking forward to feeling that. I was excited.¬†But after I experienced it – it was not amazing…it was scary.¬†¬†
I transformed into this animalistic protector. I remember one of our first outings we went to a craft fair thing and I was gripping the stroller with all of my might. Brandon took over to let me go taste some goodies and when I turned back they were out of my sight. Those feelings….. were unreal. Extreme fear. I was the most scared in that 2 seconds then I think I have ever been in my life. I think for 2 and a half months straight I lived in fear. Fear of death. Fear off love. Fear of my mind..

After 6 weeks, I finally returned to work. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I love working and it was easy for me to shut my brain off and was able to surround myself with my friends and laugh again.
Shortly after returning to work, I had a weekend where I wouldn’t stop bleeding and ended up in the ER. I received probably the worst pelvic exam I had ever had in my life by a male Dr.¬†who had absolutely no business shoving any type of contraption into my vag. After those 5 minutes of uncomfortable shock… my world literally turned upside down.

My mind went into complete….meltdown….breakdown…..I cant event describe to you the month after. I started having playbacks in my mind of situations that I couldn’t ever remember…. people…places…..situations… it was like movies were playing in my mind¬†and I couldn’t figure out what was happening. I tried to shut them off. I meditated and prayed..¬†I¬†did everything I could to just stop these small.. horrific¬†memory clips¬†involving me….¬†“are¬†they memories? No, they couldn’t be!¬†That¬†never happened to me… I don’t remember that!”..¬†. I was getting so angry and sinking deeper and deeper¬†into a dark¬†hole…¬†it scared me.¬† I just wanted to scream.. at everyone. I researched postpartum anxiety and depression… all the information was about the child and caring for him. I didn’t want to kill my child.. I loved him. If anything he calmed my episodes. I called my Dr. and she had given me Zoloft to help with everything. It wasn’t strong enough to stop my mind. At this point….my crazy level was at an extreme I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Talking with Brandon now – he said he was scared by how I was acting..it got to a¬†point where he feared I was going to kill myself (do not fear –¬†I have never in my life ever thought about killing myself – this was just how off I was).

The moment I knew I needed to seek therapy was the day Brandon and I were running errands. Brandon was telling me about his day… nothing crazy… But my anger was boiling… to an extreme where I was trying to calm myself down. All I wanted to do was scream. Literally just scream at him to stop talking.. or as my mind said “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” I was raged.. not annoyed.. raged. I scared myself. I didn’t say one word to Brandon the rest of the night in fear that I was just going to snap. When we finally went to bed, I got online and looked for a therapist… and told Brandon, “I need to get some help. I cant describe to you what’s going on, but I’m not Ok.”

I was able to get into the therapist the following week, and I am so glad I did. I explained to him everything… the clips playing over and over in my head, the anger, the fear… how none of what I am feeling has anything to do with my child or parenting. And more importantly… how I felt like¬†I was going crazy.
Well… it turns out my sudden¬†turn is very common.. and very normal……¬†for those who have PTSD. ‘PTSD?¬†AAAWhat? Noooooo. How could¬†I have PTSD?’¬†As it turns out,¬†my horrible cervical exam had triggered memories of a childhood trauma that I had blocked completely out of my¬†memory. The clips were real…. the feelings were normal.. and¬†I…was not going crazy.¬†I had spent over 10 years perfecting the art of emotionally shutting off and shutting down…. My defense mechanism is quite easy –¬†No feelings = no hurt.

Two things happened after Mr. Cheeks was born. 1. Emotionally blocking and shutting down my emotions caused a sudden flood of emotion when I first saw Mr. Cheeks. I describe it as this –¬†There is a wall that I had built.. a strong wall…holding in water¬†of emotions..¬†every now and again there is a leak that I patch up very quickly before anything can really leak out. I¬†saw my child for the first time…. and the floodgates opened. And so I am left drowning in 20 years of emotions, feelings, and memories that I am now left to deal with all at once.
2. PTSD Trigger that made me go absolutely nuts.

Sometimes its not postpartum depression. Sometimes we can experience something totally different. I wanted to share this for the women who have or are going through the same thing as I am. Postpartum depression in itself is very hard for women to admit having, and when it comes to situations like mine I’m sure it’s even harder to admit. If you are reading this and have a similar story.. please please seek therapy.¬†Don’t try and be the hero and think you can deal with it yourself. ¬†It was the best decision I have ever made. Not only did it help me overcome this very hard obstacle, but it has made me realize a lot of other things I need to work on. And quite frankly.. at this very moment I am the happiest I have ever been.


Amber is a natural analgesic and when worn on the skin, it releases healing oils that helps babies stay calm and more relaxed thoughout teething. They are a great natural remedy that can eliminate the need for over the counter drugs. Which is great for us “granola moms” who are paranoid about what we put into our child’s body.

I had heard from many girlfriends who swore by the necklaces and so the instant Mr. Cheeks showed signs of teething I bought one right away! He had been fussy for 2 days and literally within an hour of putting the necklace on him he stopped fussing and went back to being his happy normal self. Coincidence? Maybe. But we haven’t taken it off of him since and we have had no issues……. Aside from the pools of drool the leaks out of his mouth.

Basically I highly recommend it to anyone! We haven’t had to give him any type of Tylenol at all and he doesn’t even know he’s wearing it.

ALSO! Bonus! They make adult size necklaces and I plan on trying one out for my migraines to see how it works.

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After a long night of teething fussiness, we are finally awake this morning. The air is crisp, the sun is out, the cats are finally happy with food, and I have my coffee…. My sweet sweet coffee………..
Anyways, Brandon has the feeding shift this morning and everything seems to be going fairly smooth. He finishes, burps him, and starts playing with the now happy, Mr. Cheeks. So where does this story turn do you ask? With one kiss. Mr. Cheeks gives his I want kisses face and so Brandon brings him in to give him kisses…. And that’s when Mr. Cheeks changed…. In a blink of an eye… He had spit up all over Brandon’s face! Soooooo close to hitting the ol mouth. This isn’t when he becomes the asshole – it’s when he turns around to look at me with the most devilish- problem child look and giggles! He knew what he was doing….. He knew…..



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